JD

Not Jack Daniel, you hopeless alcoholic! It's JD for Job Description! Yes, recruitment fever is picking up again. And this job position may just be the most demanding of all.

POSITION:

• Parent
• Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
• Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

• Long-term team players needed for a challenging permanent position in an often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organisational skills and be willing to work variable hours (include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts).
• Some overnight travel required, including trips to camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments!
• Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties are mandatory.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
• Must be willing to persevere under great stress repeatedly.
• Must possess great physical stamina and be able to go from zero to 60 kmh in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just "crying wolf".
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, e.g. small gadget repairs, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate multiple homework projects.
• Must be able to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, and be an embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of thousands of cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final complete accountability for the quality of the end-product.
• Floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

• Limited scope for career advancement.
• Constant retraining and upgrading of skills required.
• The role and position remains unchanged for many years until your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

• None required.
• On-the-job training offered on a continual basis.

COMPENSATION:

• Unique reverse-salary scheme - You pay to work, and are obliged to offer frequent raises and bonuses to your charge.
• A balloon payment is due when your charge turn 18, on the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left.
• The accrued earnings is indescribable. You will actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

• No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
• Unlimited opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

NOTICE PERIOD:

• There is no option for resignation, retirement or golden handshake.

Thanks to my colleague CT for sharing her ups and downs as a mother of 2 wonderful children.